Dialogue as a magic formula to prevent it
We are not aliens; we are human. We have all experienced times in relationships when we have missed something and maybe even come close to betrayal. Do you ever in life? Have you also asked those around you?
Betrayal is a huge monster capable of changing its form according to circumstances. It tiptoes into people’s lives, takes a good walk around the house, lingers, after which it settles in the head and from there it does not move again until it is fulfilled, or defeated.
No one is exempt from this uncomfortable presence. At least once in your life it will come to visit you, whether you are newlyweds or veterans of a relationship. Those who claim otherwise are either not being honest with themselves or are totally ignoring the possibility that their partner may have at least considered cheating.
We seek what we lack
But not only that. The problem is that sometimes we cannot explain even to our own selves if and what we are missing. It may be that we already have a nice big cake all to ourselves, which we love, but to enjoy it properly we need the fork. I know wonderful people who give their all within the relationship, this in spite of the fact that their partner(s) manifests a void to be filled.
The needs we cultivate within ourselves are not directly proportional to what we receive from the other half of the couple. They reside in our inherent nature, sometimes finding fertile ground in our life partner, sometimes not.
Emotional betrayal, physical betrayal
Does it change anything? No. We always talk about the same monster with the ability to adapt to the host being. The friend’s husband screwing the secretary is no worse than the wifey who chats all day with a guy she met online. It goes without saying that both have a lack and try to fill it in the way that best suits their possibilities and needs.
Establishing a mental relationship with a friend or stranger still means keeping one’s partner(s) in the dark about something that is part of our lives and should be shared by both of us. It means hurting his feelings.
Not to mention that they easily go from talking about daily chores and emotional drama to exchanging photos in sexy poses. Only the moment we are discovered do we ask , “How did we get to this point?” Then suddenly what seemed harmless to us until the day before is revealed to our consciousness for what it is: a betrayal.
Do we really suck that bad?
No. The point of the article is exactly this: we are not being unclean because that time at my sister’s wedding I did not take my eyes off the best man, totally ignoring my wife. We should not be ashamed if we were secretly turned on by our friend’s husband at the pool. We are not strange if we desire to be touched by a person of the same sex, despite being in a more than fulfilling relationship or marriage.
Human beings need to be nurtured, stimulated, fulfilled. We live by emotions, whether we like it or not.
The statement “it is in our nature to betray” is not accurate. Rather, it is in our nature to constantly seek well-being and serenity.
Dialogue as a secret formula for happiness
Dialogue, this stranger. To pick up on what I wrote above: I don’t suck if I dream about fucking my best friend in the company of my husband, as long as I make him a part of this fantasy. Sincerity and sharing gentlemen! I never tire of repeating it: sincerity, dialogue, exchange of thoughts, are the secret formula for living happily ever after. They are the basis of a healthy and peaceful relationship. And do you know why? Because in the overwhelming majority of cases the other person also has hidden desires, perhaps they are small kinks, or they simply feel neglected and would like more attention. Talk, talk, and more talk!
I know what you are thinking: he will not understand. Indeed, there is not always a person on the other side who is willing to listen, acknowledge one’s shortcomings, and understand the needs of the other. But certainly keeping silent will not lead to anything good. In the best cases it gives vent to its own needs, cheating in fact. At worst, one lives a life of frustration.
I opened Pandora’s box, now what?
There is an endless world of solutions you can adopt to be happy with your partner(s). Believe me: endless solutions, you just don’t know them or are prejudiced against them. Some are well known, some less so, and some well hidden. The world we live in (unfortunately) is not ready to accept all that, on balance, it already offers.
If you get out of luck, you could get away with buying I don’t know, some underwear for your wife every weekend. Should the matter be more complicated, well, roll up your sleeves and look for whatever helps you most.
Open your mind, get rid of preconceptions and get informed. You might start looking already for something right within this site or by reading other blog articles. I am sure they will inspire you.
Council
The best time to start challenging speeches is undoubtedly when you are in bed. Perhaps after fucking, a time when both of you are more relaxed and predisposed to listening. In general, it seems obvious to me that the evening is the least stressful phase of the day, so it is more suitable for confrontation.
Mia
